Episode 30 - Divorce & Social Media
Are you going through a divorce and wondering how social media can impact the process? Tune into this week's episode where I'll be sharing seven key recommendations to help you navigate this tricky territory. From managing your privacy settings to being conscious of what you post, I've got you covered. Join the conversation and let's figure out how to use social media in a way that won't hurt your case.
- Be mindful about what you’re posting.
- Mindful, not paranoid.
- For example, I’m not saying don’t ever post a picture of you raising a cocktail to the sunset.. But maybe posting a picture of your post 5pm G&T every day could be seen as someone who is relying a little too heavily on booze
- Avoid posting anything that could be used against you in court, or that could be seen as inflammatory or insulting to your ex.
- Please don’t air dirty laundry or share anything about the specifics of what is happening between the two of you
- Your social network is not just a close group of friends. It is more likely a large group of people, many of whom have probably become near-strangers. Ex-colleagues that you worked with years ago, your mum’s close friends, people you met on holiday and really connected with one time, the friend of a friend of a friend that you met at a party.
- And any one of these people could become a future employer or business partner or romantic partner. Do you think that they want to be taken on this journey with you? Probably not..
- So if you’re tempted to post in your stories that ‘I was in divorce court today and he totally lied about being sick on the day that he didn’t pick up the kids, because I know he was on holiday with his new girlfriend’ perhaps rethink this.
- How about ‘I was in divorce court today and oh my gosh it’s tough to be going through this’
- Keep it civil. Always.
I want you to act with integrity and always be the better person - publicly.
You can rant to a close girlfriend, or your divorce coach.
You can send bitchy memes back and forth in messages but please don’t post them.
If you have any hope of negotiating a settlement, or amicably co-parenting with this other person then you need to get really good at not poking the bear.
- Avoid posting about your children
I’m not going to go into the arguments of whether
Parenting is divisive at the best of times!
So, no matter how well intentioned your sharing may be, your ex can potentially find something about it that will trigger an argument
You don’t need to take any input from him on your parenting anymore, so don’t invite the comments and the easiest way to do that is to only share what is essential and helpful for him to know.
Keep the pictures and videos for yourself to look back on, or print for your physical walls instead of on your FB wall.
- Don’t use social media to spy on your ex
In fact, I thoroughly recommend that you both agree to block each other on all platforms. Even if you’re going to remain friendly, it can take a really really long time to actually be friends. There’s a difference.
So, agreeing, with respect to keeping your lives separate from each other for a while can be really healthy.
Spying on your ex, on the other, is really unhealthy. It can send you in a horrible spiral and honestly it could even be illegal if you’re using a false account to access private information etc. Just turn away.
Let’s focus on building your beautiful life not distracting yourself by checking in on what’s going on in his.
- Don’t overshare personal information
Not that everyone’s ex is out to collect information on you that will hurt you, but anything you post could be used against you. Imagine if someone posted about your income or personal conversations. It could feel like a huge invasion of privacy. You know better than to do anything like that.
- Be careful of divorce FB groups.
Some can be incredibly helpful and inclusive, providing support and advice when you most need it.
But many of them are completely unmoderated which can create an environment of gossip - at best, name calling, victim mentality and toxic attention seeking.
Like all social media usage really, try to be fully conscious about what is happening in these groups and don’t allow yourself to get sucked into the doom scrolling..